Letter to Anonymous
To “JJ”:
Thank you for finding and reading my blog. Thank you for reaching out to me to tell me that reading my blog helped you. I won’t say anything more about what you wrote as I want to protect you as much as I can from “Ant”. On one hand I’m glad he talked so poorly of me that caused you to google me and find my blog. I’m not a terrible person, I’m not crazy, I’m not unhinged. I’m a nice person, I care about others, I have great friends, I’m in a loving relationship. Anything that Ant said about me was a twisted half-truth. The stuff he said about his ex-wife was horrible and who wouldn’t dislike someone as terrible as he described her? But…. The gut knows, as you said. I knew she wasn’t this person he described. What I did learn is he was describing himself! HE is the abuser, HE is the cheater! It’s a typical tactic of abusers to project their own behaviors on the victim. Good for you for recognizing that something about him was off.
I remember having a couple of discussions with Ant about meeting his children. I felt very strongly that if I was to meet them, then the proper thing to do was to talk to Debbie and let her know that he was going to introduce his children to his girlfriend. That she deserved the respect as their mother to know this information. He argued with me for quite some time, but I was adamant. When the kids were brought to his house, I put on a jacket and stepped outside to talk to her while Ant copied some papers that she brought. Debbie was very nice; she was respectful and made great conversation. I knew that talking with her, however briefly, was the right thing to do. Ant berated me for doing that. He couldn’t believe that I walked outside to talk to her without first discussing it with him! Red flag?! UH HUH!
Ant has a need for supply as Narcissists do. They need fuel to feed their very fragile, empty egos. And that means he has to have multiple women in his life. If he has a “girlfriend” then he secretly dates others he meets on dating apps. He can’t NOT do this. Maybe in the beginning of a relationship when he is love-bombing a new supply, he will be refrain from dating others, but that doesn’t last long. He dated his most recent ex-girlfriend for a couple of years and was only faithful for a few months. So you likely met him as he was trying to find her replacement. I’m so very thankful you recognized the flags. He found my replacement too and then in grand gesture, texted me that God had given him the perfect woman that could appreciate him for all he has to offer. And to my replacement, I am so sorry for what you undoubtedly had to endure.
Thank you again for the email and for sharing how my story helped you. When you can, please be the light for others so that you can give some meaning to your own experience by helping another. That’s what you have given me.
You know how to reach me, and you are safe with me.
Stay strong,
Sally
